Showing posts from December, 2018

Shhh... Don't Tell Mensa

Sometimes, I’m good at adulting! I manage to:
hold down a jobown a home (actually, two; one’s rented out)pay all my billsmaintain good creditbe a halfway decent parent Other times, I stay up until after midnight, reading a great book, writing, or playing video games, and then want to kick myself when that alarm goes off at 5:45 AM. Oh, and at the age of 42, I still pretty much suck at being anywhere on time.

Sometimes, I do smart things! Apparently I can:
solve complex problems at workcommunicate with precision and diplomacyingeniously broker a peace deal between my warring daughtersfind new jobs and learn new skills after being laid offproofread like a boss Other times, I do what I did last week: Walk down a dark staircase, hands full, while reading my phone and saying something to my husband in the next room. I thought I had reached the bottom step. I had not. CRUNCH.

Ta-da! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome… Gimpy Jen! Scroll down to see my fabulous footwear, straight off the Pari…

Kyrielle #1

Because I do love poetry,
This challenge was an easy sell.
And so last evening, woe is me,
I tried to write a kyrielle.

Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained,
That's great advice that’s served me well.
I simply could not have abstained;
I tried to write a kyrielle.

I loved the thought of that refrain,
The chorus pealing like a bell.
And so, though it has caused me pain,
I tried to write a kyrielle.

The words would simply not obey.
My combinations would not gel.
I tossed out five drafts yesterday.
I tried to write a kyrielle.

I may have learned a thing or two,
Like: people, treat your poets well.
I understand what they go through.
I tried to write a kyrielle.

I will not lie to you, my friend,
I learned this form is hard as hell,
That grateful, fateful evening when
I tried to write a kyrielle.

If you're reading this, Rowan... your kyrielle instructions were excellent! I tried to write a beautiful, deep, lyrical poem, and bombed big time! Guess I should stick to tritinas. Ha!

I’ve Been Thinking About My Doorbell

So I’ve been thinking about my doorbell.

No, really. We just got it. It’s the Ring doorbell:

My husband purchased this doorbell. It records 30 seconds of video every time it senses motion.

If you’re a Luddite, like me, you may be thinking, “Isn’t that kind of nosy for a doorbell? Isn’t a doorbell’s job description, like, the simplest job description on earth? We, the human race, could be curing cancer, but we spent that money developing this?”

So far, our Ring Doorbell has recorded:
18 visits by our mail carrier36 trips to and from the school bus15 visits by Amazon couriers delivering boxes (don’t judge, it’s the holidays)157 times our next-door neighbor has walked from his side door to his drivewayOur neighbor’s young adult son coming home at 2:30 AMA low-flying finchMe yelling at the dog  Useful? Debatable. But my husband is a gadget guy, so now we have it.

I had my doubts about this doorbell. But I kinda like it. Having lived in big cities most of my adult life, I appreciate any de…

If You Give a Mom a Broom

If you give a mom a broom...

She'll sweep the crumbs, flour, and dog hair off the kitchen floor.

When she goes to empty the dustpan, she'll notice that the garbage is full. 

So she'll take the garbage out.
When she goes outside, she'll recall that tomorrow is garbage day. So she'll drag the garbage can to the curb.
While she's in the yard, she'll remember that we ran out of yard waste bags. 
So she'll go back inside to write them on the shopping list.
As she passes the basement stairs, she'll see the basket of laundry that she left there earlier.
She'll haul the basket downstairs to the washing machine.
When she gets downstairs, she'll realize she can't do any more laundry until she empties the dryer. 
At this point she'll realize she forgot what chore she was trying to get done in the first place. What was it again??
While she is thinking, she will hear her phone ring. She will realize she left the phone on the kitchen counter.